Tuesday, July 11, 2006

BabyBlue's Official Guide to The Episcopal Church: Awfully Small Boxes Need Not Apply

There are some articles going around that divide Episcopalians up into four food groups, with the orthodox bunch divided into two groups - the Federalist Conservatives (think Thomas Jefferson) and the Communion Conservatives (think John Adams). I read through them and thought, well, hmmmm .... perhaps it's better shaken and not stirred.

Here is BabyBlue's Official Guide: Introducing the Seven Major Groups That Make Up The Episcopal Church (TEC, formally known at ECUSA, formally known as PECUSA):

1. The Brand New Leopardskin Pillbox Hat Group - These are the tea cups and little pinkies subset of the Episcopal Church. They are the "beautiful people," where East Hampton meets Andy Warhol. Tom Wolfe and John Cheever books are filled with them. Drink of Choice: Gin and Tonic.

2. The Haight/Ashbury Summer of Love Group - These are the aging hippies who love bright colors, blessed sex, and groovin to the Beatles "All ya need is love ..." Enjoys revising the liturgy for latest trends, but don't mess with the canons. Writer of choice: Lytton Strachey. A second cousin to ...

3. The Use to be a Jesus Freak But Then Found Walmart Group - Knew the "HASL Group" at Woodstock, but then went south to Pasadena and met the Cool Jesus Who Saves. Liturgy is helpful but not necessary. Likes to raise hands in the air and use overheads. Knows what happens at 9:00 in the Morning. Song of choice: Majesty.

4. The Three Dips and a Dive Group - Will mysteriously stop in mid-sentence to tip hat towards Oxford. Prefers 1892 Prayer Book over 28 - and 79 Doesn't Even Exist Thank You Very Much. Observes Lesser Feasts and Fasts, including the lesser known Feast of John Keble. Prefers marble for tables and wood for pews. Took the "P" out of PECUSA. Saint of Choice: John Henry Newman.

5. The John Stott is the Greatest Theologian That Ever Lived Group - Has closets full of cassette tapes from Bible teachings from the seventies and eighties. Has been in at least seven Bible Studies and taught seven more. Knows more about the Scriptures than the Dean of Virginia Theological Seminary. Preacher of choice: Who else?

6. The Bono is the Greatest Theologian That Ever Lived Group - Was only a gleam in mom's eye at Woodstock. Has actually lived in Africa. Wears ONE bracelet and likes swinging incense and the Newsboys. Cool on both Justice and Jesus. Reads CS Lewis and Ron Sider. Gets latest sermons from iTunes. If clergy, either wears black cassock or black t-shirt. Poet of choice: Paul Hewson.

7. The Pew-Sitting-Fence-Sitting Still-Thinking-There's-a-Center Group - Just placed on Endangered Species List. You know who you are. If not, we do.



tdunbar said...

and if one greatly prefers Zimmerman to Hewson?

Unknown said...

Then you are a friend for life. ;-)


Jeff H said...

I don't think I fit in any of your (quite humorous) categories, bb.

I guess I'm closest to the John Stott Fan Club...I'm certainly not emerging as per No.6, yet I greatly enjoy Tom Wolfe and deplore "Majesty" and its ilk (though of course not the sentiments expressed therein).

Now I'm just confused.

Unknown said...

1. Cultural Episcopalian
2. Liberal Episcopalian
3. Charismatic Episcopalian
4. Anglo-Catholic Episcopalian
5. Evangelical Episcopalian
6. Emergent Episcopalian
7. Mythical Episcopalian

BabyBlue is a mixture of 3, 4, 5 and 6 - though she does like bright colors, the smell of incense, and a Gin & Tonic from time to time.


Anonymous said...

I suppose I'm a shot of 4 and a shot of 5, with a dash of 3. Shaken, not stirred. Will occasionally add a dash of number 6, but usually regrets it later when realizing that's a lot of empty calories.

I somewhat object to putting CS Lewis in the "6" category when he probably better belongs in #5, or possibly #4 - I suspect CS would despise a great deal of what #6 types think (or "feel").

Unknown said...

Emergents (#6's) are into Lewis' Narnia and Tolkien's Middle Earth (and JK Rowling's Harry Potter). It is not clear whether #6 also reads the theological works of Lewis with the same passion as our #5's love to do. Perhaps they will find that door as well - eventually - if they can find their way through Narnia. What do you think?


Sir Robin said...

(I'm anonymous from above by the way).

I read Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings as well. I certainly *hope* that emergent types will read Lewis' theological works as well as Narnia. And I certainly hope that they pull from Tolkien's work what he put into it. But I have my doubts about that.

BTW, babyblue, you know me. Check out my newly-created blog (stonedeadparrot.blogspot.com) and see if you can figure out who I am. :) Think of it as a quest.

There's a post on there about this post.

Anonymous said...

This is the best. Thanks for giving me categories for Trinity's incoming students.